Bouncing back

It's funny how life works sometimes. Today I was having a really nice pity-party for myself. Driving along yesterday after work, my check engine light came on again. I have already written about how my car is not healthy and most like not going to be with us much longer.

On top of that, I went to my yoga studio last night only to be faced with a person in my new class who I absolutely cannot stand and she was rude. I will have to see her every Thursday from 6:30 - 8:00 for the next 11 weeks. Yippee!

Then, I went to return something my Mom bought for me for Christmas and a "kindly" saleswoman saw me browsing and pointed me towards a rack of larger sizes than the one where I was looking. Why would she do this you ask? Because she believed I am larger than I actually am! Sonuva!

So, I was a little down in the dumps this afternoon... feeling sorry for myself. Thinking about what a hard time I have of things right now and wallowing in it.

But then, I went to do my volunteer shift at Downtown Daily Bread in downtown Harrisburg. I spent two hours dishing up desserts to anyone who came in the door and knowing that many of these people would be spending this evening out in the cold. And it's cold here. It's snowy and cold and the wind is whipping around my house. And here I sit in my kitchen being warm and comfortable, smelling the pot of chili I put on to cook a bit ago and thinking about how lucky I am.

I try not to allow myself to give unfortunate people my pity. They are individuals and they deserve to be regarded with dignity, not as poor pitiful souls. But many of these people broke my heart - literally rent it in two. A woman, petite, with a lovely face. So cold she shook violently when she came in and who could not look me in the eyes when she chose her piece of peach pie. She who was offered hand-warmers by another man in the soup kitchen and took them gratefully. What struck me about this act was how much of a sacrifice it was for the man who gave her the hand-warmers. Did he even know her name?

As I walked away from the shelter a million thoughts ran through my mind. We had only fed them lunch, would they have dinner? Would there be breakfast the next day? A warm cup of coffee? Is there a shelter where they would sleep? What about all of the other people who didn't come in for lunch that day? Have they eaten today or in the last few days? Would they freeze to death during the cold night? What else can I do for them? What else can I do?

Then it struck me that all of my questions and worries and thoughts for these people are most likely shared by the patrons of the shelter as well.. They must think about where the next meal will come from and worry for their safety. But despite all of this, they come into DDB and eat and chat and laugh with one another. They are pleasant and seem happy despite all of their worries, troubles, addictions and pasts.

They find the courage to laugh anyway.