Everyone has a few Seinfeldian atrributes to their personality. A dislike or unrest about some small, insignifigant thing that just drives you crazy. It could even drive you to the point to end friendships or relationships over it. It's that serious.
I have already gone into a few of my workplace related gripes, but oh boy do I have more from workplace and beyond! And, I think they are so humorous, that I should share them. It wouldn't be right to keep it all myself (sarcasm.. do ya get it? do ya?).
I have already gone into a few of my workplace related gripes, but oh boy do I have more from workplace and beyond! And, I think they are so humorous, that I should share them. It wouldn't be right to keep it all myself (sarcasm.. do ya get it? do ya?).
1. People who always smell of bacon/musty and/or smoky food. This was very prevelent in my elementary school. Growing up in rural Tennessee, kids quite often came to school smelling as if they lived in a smokehouse, but in a bad way. Not like they're making awesome bbq, like they're bathing in bacon fat. Even as a small child, this = gross.
2. Whislers/singers/talk-to-yourselfers in the workplace. I work in an office that is best described as a time-warp to 1965. I'm surprised the men don't smoke in here. The women work like drones while the men shoot the breeze, discussing sports, taking the occasional phone call and worst of all singing/whistling/talking to themselves incessantly while they're here. When they are all here and walking aorund, the sound is a tornadic mixture of noise and annoyance the likes of which are not matched in a daycare full of sugared four-year-olds.
3. Collectors. Why? Isn't there some sort of diagnosable condition for this now? Hoarding or something? Why are you collecting basecall cards? Why are you collecting Boyd's Bear figurines? What is the point? I suppose if you are collecting rare works of art or early-edition pieces of literature (you know the things where a collection = 10-15 items), I can get it. But who needs thousands upon thousands of pez dispensers? It's just weird and makes me think you're crazy.
4. Celine Dion. Period. I can't stand her French Canadian accent when she sings. And the people who like her are strange to me. Does anyone else think she has major issues? She married an old man when she was just a child? How was this not prosecuted? And she is guilty of wearing a backward tuxedo in public. If you like Celine Dion, we are going to have a difficult time communicating, I think. The same thing goes for Toni Braxton, on all counts.
5. I did once cease to date someone over their drymouth and excessive clicky, mouth noises. It was constantly offering him something to drink. It was over in less than two weeks. I couldn't take it!
What about you? What are your Seinfeld-like tendencies? Do you introduce yourself to people under a false, more impressive identity like George's Art Vandelay the Architect, or despise manhands?
2. Whislers/singers/talk-to-yourselfers in the workplace. I work in an office that is best described as a time-warp to 1965. I'm surprised the men don't smoke in here. The women work like drones while the men shoot the breeze, discussing sports, taking the occasional phone call and worst of all singing/whistling/talking to themselves incessantly while they're here. When they are all here and walking aorund, the sound is a tornadic mixture of noise and annoyance the likes of which are not matched in a daycare full of sugared four-year-olds.
3. Collectors. Why? Isn't there some sort of diagnosable condition for this now? Hoarding or something? Why are you collecting basecall cards? Why are you collecting Boyd's Bear figurines? What is the point? I suppose if you are collecting rare works of art or early-edition pieces of literature (you know the things where a collection = 10-15 items), I can get it. But who needs thousands upon thousands of pez dispensers? It's just weird and makes me think you're crazy.
4. Celine Dion. Period. I can't stand her French Canadian accent when she sings. And the people who like her are strange to me. Does anyone else think she has major issues? She married an old man when she was just a child? How was this not prosecuted? And she is guilty of wearing a backward tuxedo in public. If you like Celine Dion, we are going to have a difficult time communicating, I think. The same thing goes for Toni Braxton, on all counts.
5. I did once cease to date someone over their drymouth and excessive clicky, mouth noises. It was constantly offering him something to drink. It was over in less than two weeks. I couldn't take it!
What about you? What are your Seinfeld-like tendencies? Do you introduce yourself to people under a false, more impressive identity like George's Art Vandelay the Architect, or despise manhands?
Not that there's anything wrong with that....
Eww, banana mouth. Just thinking about it makes me want to gargle.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand #1, though. Bacon makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Even baths.
Yo are hilarious. I especially laughed at 3 and 4. HAHAHAH Boyds Bears! Oh my!
ReplyDeleteI hate nylons. I don't wear them ever and when I see women wearing them it makes me cringe. I just think how uncomfortable their crotch must be with this stitched together ickyness wrapped around their lower have like a vienna sausage.
also, I have a friend that broke up with a guy because he pointed his toes when he jumped on a trampoline.
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dumped another because he had a booger in his nose in the hot tub.
she is awesome.
Slurping....Tapping incessantly....People that stare at you in elevators....Cigar smoking....When you hear someone hawk up a loogie....All the police academy movies....People that can do a perfect salsa (the dance) (because it makes me feel inferior)...Lipstick on teeth....I could go on and on....
ReplyDeleteMy biggest work pet peeve is the talks-about-the-same-thing-everyday person. Whether it be her upcoming wedding, or his drunken partying, it's annoying to hear the same thing repeated by the same person (with NEVER decreasing excitement on the topic) everyday.
ReplyDeleteThanks for allowing us to rant, Em!
Lee - "broke up with a guy because he pointed his toes when he jumped on a trampoline. & dumped another because he had a booger in his nose in the hot tub"
ReplyDeleteI would TOTALLY do this in both situations! The hot tub booger is so gross and pointed toes = early warning sign.
And Laurie - the tapping! My Dad is an insufferable tapper and I admit, I inherited his fidgetyness (word, maybe?) AND he smokes Cigars! You two could never be friends.
And KJ - I totally understand yours too. I worked with someone who talked about their ipod/music collection constantly. It was horrid. Because it wasn't a new artist discussion every day, it was, "I downloaded 14 songs last night. They're all on my ipod now. I have like 12,000 songs. That's why I got the 8 gig...blah." SO ANNOYING!
And #1 - A bath in bacon fat!! Wow! That's real passion :)
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